Star Trek Writing Standards

Want to be a Star Trek writer? After extensive study, the following standard episode plot guidelines have been discovered:

Standard TOS episode

The Enterprise or the Federation are menaced by a mysterious and deadly force. Kirk finds a way to destroy it.

Hidden agenda: The electic collection of different writers promote an interesting and occasionally contradictory mixture of left-wing liberalism, American jingoism, and Judeo-Christian egocentrism.

Standard TNG episode

The Enterprise or the Federation are menaced by a mysterious and deadly force. Captain Picard asks it to please stop. It does.

Hidden agenda: Gene Roddenberry's personal viewpoints (secularism, humanism, collectivism, communism, pacifism, gay rights, sexual equality, atheism, political isolationism, etc). Disclaimer: I am an atheist and a humanist, but not a communist, so I had decidedly mixed feelings about this agenda.

Standard DS9 episode

DS9 or the Federation are menaced by a mysterious and deadly force. Sisko blows it up with cool special effects and lots of technobabble in order to appease the rock 'em, sock 'em crowd, then he turns around and subjects the audience to an agonizingly self-righteous lecture on the evils of violence and the horrors of war, in order to appease the intellectual crowd. If the writers are completely out of ideas, we get to to hear about their weird homegrown Bajoran religion.

Hidden agenda: None. The writers' only real agenda is to milk the Star Trek cash cow.

Standard Voyager episode

Drop Kirk's military control and aggression. Drop Picard's principled strong leadership. Keep Sisko's self-righteous monologues and dalliances with offbeat spirituality themes. Appease crucial lonely male Trekkie demographic with 7 of 9's large busom. Appease spiritual types with constant references to native American vision quests.

Hidden agenda: None. The writers' only real agenda is to milk the Star Trek cash cow.

Standard Enterprise episode

Copy Voyager's modus operandi, but insert different personalities and different large busom. Annoy longtime Trek fans by ignoring continuity with TOS. Lonely male teen demographic is very excited about this new show.

Hidden agenda: None. The writers' only real agenda is to milk the Star Trek cash cow.


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